I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
