Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
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when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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