pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
