I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
