Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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