I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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