We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
