Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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