sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
