you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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