i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
