there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
