i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
