One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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