Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
