i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
