reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
