bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
