I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
