I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize