I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
