Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
