I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
