Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
