dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize