Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
