Will you blow on my dice?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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