She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
