I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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