Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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