dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
