if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
