You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
