What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
