yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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