Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
im holly from the hills drunk
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
