he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize