Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
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She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
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Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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