I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just invented taco cereal.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
