so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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