Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
