I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
