I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize