Four minutes until I can fart!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize