You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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