hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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