I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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