I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
