True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
