First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
