why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
