Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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