my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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