my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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