even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
