hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize