scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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