Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
