come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
