You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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