I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
