Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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