looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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